I was all great at blogging, and now I’m kind of being a slacker, mostly because I’m not sure what to blog about (which I suppose isn’t terrible). I promise one blog post a week, at the very least.
I made that post about fair-weather-faith and forgot to mention that I’m very guilty of doing that. Not so much a belief in God, really. I always believe in God, no matter how I’m going about doing that. I am, however, terrible about questioning my decisions when I am not feeling so great, or am emotionally run down. I know that one of the goals of a “good” Hindu is not to be indecisive, and this is something that I’m wrestling with (anyone who has ever had to wait for me to order food at a restaurant I really like can attest to that). It’s especially hard when I’m feeling insecure, because then I start to question the “rightness” of the decisions I have made.
Last week I was feeling great about my decisions. I was all gung-ho about stuff. This week I’m not so gung-ho. On the other hand, I’ve come to some realizations. (1) The face of my God is a Hindu face, shared between Rama and Shiva (and sometimes Lakshmi, Durga or Saraswati). (2) I had been stressing about future children, and whether or not I was making a good decision for them. I have now decided that trying to figure that out now, years away from those children actually existing, is madness. That was a good decision.
I think the solution to all of these problems is for me to start paring back the things I’m involved in, because there are so many that I don’t have room to think. I feel much better when I have a little time to reflect and meditate, so I need to make some time for that.